Swampland:Unreal

Unreal

Posted: Feb 16, 2007
Is it just me? Am I the only one who is sick to death of reality TV? I mean, it has gotten to the point of sheer insanity. The networks must really think we are stupid. Hey, let’s do a show where the contestants have to eat live spiders and drink blood. Cool. Even better, let’s bring fat celebrities on TV and torture them until they lose weight. Know who would be great for that? Chastity Bono. Sonny and Cher’s kid. She’s a might hefty these days. But will people watch? You betcha!

Hey, Survivor just wasn’t enough. People living together on a remote island, trying to keep from starving or being bitten by a brown wooly bugger was okay for a while, but the public needed fresh meat. So they tossed out The Bachelor. Yeah, he’s rich and one of you girls will be asked to marry him, only he really isn’t rich, and we have been lying to you the whole time- hilarity ensues.

Is it just me? I mean, on the Survivor island, when peoples lives are in danger, when girls are cat fighting, even when the guy burned the dickens out of his hands, did nobody else say, “Wait a minute. There’s a whole camera crew around these folks.” Couldn't somebody intervene? There are tons of those moments in reality TV, where, if you don’t severely suspend your disbelief, it just looks stupid. What’s real about that?

Real or not, and that’s mostly not, these shows have become a boil on my behind, and I want it lanced. The epitome of stupidity is that show on VH1 called Flavor of Love with Flavor Flav from the ‘90’s rap group Public Enemy. Now, this guy, bless his heart, is about as attractive as a weasel. But here they are, building not one, but two reality shows around him. Three if you count his stint on The Surreal Life. If you thought the show that had him and Bridgette Nielsen as a couple was weird, try a whole house full of girls, all stabbing one another in the back to be chosen by this burned out rapper as his own personal boy toy.

And don’t get me started on Breaking Bonaduce. Remember the little red headed kid on The Partridge Family? Picture him, all grown up, turned radio announcer and carrying more baggage than a 747 in route to Amsterdam.

American Idol. Season one was okay. I pulled for Southern girl Kelly Clarkson the whole time, and she won. By season two, it was "going down hill like a snowball headed for hell," as The Hag once sang. And this season is the worst one yet. It seems the primary focus is closing in for a tight shot of the girl whose entire life's dream of becoming a singer has just been shot down by a stoned out former pop star, a slimmed down black man who thinks everyone is his "dog," and a Brit who makes a fortune by being a you-know-what-hole. Reality? Yeah, right.

Much like popular music, when an original idea or image happens along and then there are a hundred clones emerging, reality TV has mushroomed to a point where it is just plain annoying. If you want something fresh or actually enjoyable on television, you have to get HBO and watch The Sopranos, Bill Maher, or something. That or keep the thing on CNN for a dose or real reality, which makes these so called reality shows look like recess at the day school.

I know, they can do a new reality show called Hey Iraq, where we follow a group of 19-year old soldiers into the bowels of war. Will they come out alive? Better watch next week and see. Now that is reality. Grim, sad, sickening reality.

PS: End of rant. Next time, we examine WHY Anna Nicole Smith's death was the biggest news story of '07! Or, maybe not. Pehaps iI'll just write about Southern Rock!

Keep it REAL... Keep it Southern,
Buffalo

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