An Affirming Flame: Remembering 9/11
Posted: Sep 10, 2009I wrote this essay three days after the attack on the World Trade Center in New York City (September 11, 2001). I share it here on Swampland as we remember those who died during and following the tragedy, including the firefighters, all those who were aboard the four hijacked airliners, and those who were in the Pentagon.
W. H. Auden begins his great poem "September 1, 1939" with these lines: "I sit in one of the dives /On Fifty-second Street/ Uncertain and afraid/ As the clever hopes expire/ Of a low dishonest decade:/ Waves of anger and fear/ Circulate over the bright/ And darkened lands of the earth,/ Obsessing our private lives;/ The unmentionable odour of death/ Offends the September night."
It is September 14, 2001. I stand in one of the aisles of Wal-Mart, a bottle of nail polish remover in my hand, and bow my head with the rest of the nation in a gesture of prayer and remembrance. Instantly, I am struck by the incongruity of it all. How can I consider painting my nails when thousands of rescue workers are ripping their nails to the quick digging through mountains of rubble in search of body parts. How can I consider painting my nails when thousands lie dead and others dying and still others are consumed with an inconsolable grief. I want to dress in sack cloth and cover my head with ashes and wail. I want to howl like a wounded animal. I want to shake the earth with my lamentation.
Instead, I bow my head and pray. The shock, outrage, and horror of the previous three days gives way to a deep, inexplicable, and inarticulate sorrow. As I unite with other Americans in silent meditation, I pray that my heart might be free from anger and my mind from fear. I pray that our nation’s leaders will be guided by high principles and profound wisdom. I pray that those whose hearts are twisted with hatred will be healed. And I pray that we, as a people, will respond with love and dignity and that our recovery will be rapid, demonstrating to terrorists everywhere that not all nations can be destroyed by fear.
The moment of silence is over. Other patrons quietly begin pushing their carts. I turn and walk to the checkout counter and pay for the polish remover. I go home and paint my nails crimson and wash and comb my hair. I confirm my airline tickets for my upcoming trip to Quebec. I call friends and invite them to dinner. Such tiny acts suddenly seem not trivial but essential, necessary, even crucial. The only possible response is to go on.
Auden concludes "Defenseless under the night /Our world in stupor lies; /Yet, dotted everywhere, /Ironic points of light/ Flash out wherever the Just /Exchange their messages:/ May I, composed like them/ Of Eros and of dust,/ Beleaguered by the same/ Negation and despair,/ Show an affirming flame."
---Penne J. Laubenthal
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That is an awesome essay Penne. I think every true-blooded American felt the same way immediately after the attacks. Even today, I could still remember the horror, the grief of eight years ago. Nail polish.........how trivial, but somewhat essential!
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